Let us be honest, shall we? Instead of pouring my innermost thoughts, hopes and dreams onto my hard drive, I made an iTunes playlist. I suppose that means that my subconscious feels that being creative is much more time-effective than tapping at keys on my laptop for an hour and a half. Originally, my intent was to provide an account of the events preceding and included in Summer Vacation, Version ’08. And then I made an hour-long music set with which I could write the aforementioned LiveJournal entry. So, partially delayed but nevertheless on track, here goes.

If anything could be said of this summer, it would certainly not be that it was boring. Insanely aggravating, painful, profitable, sad, joyous, and long, yes, but never boring. After staying late at Hendrix to help the RAs and residents move out of their rooms, my mom and I came home exhausted and looking for a little bit of respite. She had just come from a “vacation” to visit our relatives in Tennessee. You’ll notice the not-so subtle quotations over vacation – that’s because every time we go up to Tennessee, there’s some thrice-damned drama. I will not get into any of the specifics, mostly because a lot of it involves money and the estate, which is none of your business, no offense. Suffice to say, some of the family is taking the stress better than others, without taking out anger on innocent parties. But anyway …

Mom and I get back to Mississippi and both get to sleep, finally. The next day we head on into her office to check our e-mail (we haven’t had Internet at the house for over six years). Walking to her office, we run into a co-worker of hers, named Mick. He’s been ill recently since his M.S. came back, so he was looking for a secretary for as long as he could get one. Timidly – almost not wanting to say anything so I could rest for a while before getting back to work – I asked if he might consider me. He said yes, of course! He marched me on over to get my tax forms filled out that very day and said to be at the office bright and early the next day. That’s how I started working for the I.T. Manager, a job that had never crossed my mind before, being as how I don’t know the first damn thing about computers. Sure, understanding some of the lingo isn’t that hard, but in terms of knowing the ins and outs of programs and hard drives and servers, uh-uh. But two months in and everything’s going very, very well. Undoubtedly, I’m getting paid fuck nothing; sometimes I get the feeling that they’re underpaying me. Nothing to be done now, since my last two weeks are on the horizon.

That’s right, a vacation inside of a vacation. Actually, the second of my vacations is coming up and it could not possibly be making me any happier. My first trip was the seemingly annual excursion to Columbia, Missouri to see my father, brother, sister-in-law and niece, with respective friends-of-the-brother and extended family. Last year my dad and I mostly kept shy of the big social gatherings that Vonn, Nat and Erin attended (the aforementioned brother’s family). I guess I’m getting more and more social in my old age. This year we had so many new people to meet, new bonds to rekindle, and new experiences to be had. Speaking of experiences, telling my father that I had a boyfriend was certainly a surreal experience. Telling Vonn and Nat was fine; they peppered me with questions good-naturedly and made me feel really good about wanting them to meet Allen. But with my father it’s a little different. Ever since he took an emotional rain check on mine and my mothers’ lives, I feel like he doesn’t deserve to know every nuance of my life anymore. Especially where my dating life is concerned. I took a trip up to Missouri in high school, not too long after Sam and I started dating, and told him rather frankly that I had a boyfriend. He got really quiet and just kind of said “Okay”. A short while later he mentioned that he had never really liked Sam’s parents (all of them had worked at the same university, and MSU isn’t so small that people in totally different departments can’t mingle). After that, damned if I was going to tell him when a friendship was strained or a new relationship had promise. He had lost that right.

Or so I thought. No matter how much he totally screwed me over when I was a kid or almost ruined me emotionally, he was still my father. I have another Dad now – and he’s the one who got to know that Allen I had started dating after the first week, he got to meet Allen this Spring Break, he gets to know how much I love my boyfriend. Tony is my Dad now, even though he’s just my mom’s boyfriend on paper. Tony’s more than that emotionally. My father can never be replaced, but now I have to dance the delicate dance of balancing the two of them in my life. It’s strange to be one of those kids who doesn’t have this black and white life of “I have a Mommy and a Daddy and that’s all I’ll ever need”. Strange to have to learn to love a Dad instead of growing up knowing no-one else besides this man as your father. But I guess I’m used to that by now.

Anyway, it’s really great to see all of them again. Especially with the way the family in Tennessee is turning into. Dare I say it, they’re being complete assholes. Example, my cousin Laura’s wedding. Some new crap had just surfaced with the estate and some members of the family were being intentionally mean to other innocent parties. With all that stress over our heads, Mom, Tony and I set off to make sure that somebody at that wedding was being civil. The service was held at this gorgeous ante-bellum Southern house with a wonderful garden where the wedding was held. Laura and her husband Frank were married while it was spitting rain, but the attendants couldn’t have been happier. Then the drama started. I won’t go into specifics, but let’s just say that a lot of the time the mood was unnecessarily strained. A normally joyous occasion was very nearly ruined by stupidly petty people and their narcissism. Pleasantly oblivious, the bride and groom were acting as any couple in love should, and seeing them together is just what the heart needs.

Speaking of what the heart needs, I’m going to be visiting Houston in two weeks and three days. . And that’s all I have to say about that. We’re gonna see the Dark Knight in IMAX, an Astros game, and many many other things besides. From there it’s directly off to Hendrix. Just as my summer started, it will end just as abruptly. I’m visiting Allen from the 31st of July to the 3rd of August; the next day road trip all the way back to Hendrix. Just to give you a timeframe of Important Dates in the Hendrix College calendar, classes start back on the 28th of August. Why in God’s green earth am I going back so early? You may recall that I’m an RA. As such, our Fall Training is scheduled for very early in August so we can all come together as the family that we’re meant to be. We’ll be eating, drinking, partying and possibly sleeping together (not in that way, silly Billy!). That requires a lot of free time to get nice and cozy with one another. On top of that, I’m part of the Fall Training Committee, which means that us lucky guys and gals have to be back super-duper early to make sure that training goes off without a hitch.

What is going to make it even more interesting is that I’m coming in earlier than all the other members of F.T.C. because I have an apartment this year! Me and the Mam are heading up early so I can get fully situated in my apartment in the least amount of time possible, leaving me with more time to concentrate on what I need to do for F.T.C. and getting acquainted with the new Area Coordinator, my next door neighbor and boss. Hendrix is divided up into areas – Southside and Northside. Northside is the female residence halls while Southside is the male res halls and the Front Street apartments. I will be living in Front Street. And the new Southside boss is brand spankin’ new, so I’d like to get to know him as well as can be.

That’s that, basically. My summer has been a whole lot of not much going on. On the whole, just a lot of emotions and paychecks. My new life.

UPDATE: I have recently decided that my newest pet peeve is when couples fight in front of me. After going through my mother and father divorcing, suffice to say fighting just really isn't cool with me. It stresses me out to no degree. Mentioning divorce, child support payments, or anything of that nature isn't going to make me laugh. So stop trying. I can't help that I take it seriously - deal. I'm still living with it, twelve years later, and you probably aren't. I have more reason to take umbridge to you and your silly jokes than you could imagine. People talk about divorce like it's a plague, and it is in a way. I'm living with disease and you aren't. Again - deal.

Don't think that because you're cursing out your significant other that I'm going to take it well. You may think you need to vent, but vent some other goddamn place. I'm not going to have a single sympathetic feeling toward you. Calling your wife a "bitch" in front of me is going to piss me off. At least act like you're trying to be sympathetic to the feelings of those around you.

The end. I feel a little better now. Thanks, LiveJournal.

Grargh. So yeah, my life certainly has not been conducive to writing really long posts about what's been a'shakin' with me and my life. Hell, I hardly keep my father informed of what I'm doing. Which should be a very belated New Year's Resolution, but probably won't be. Cause laziness is what college life, for the most part, is all about.

At whatever time this afternoon when I actually began writing this post, I was planning on pouring out my soul and having another angsty rant. But at this point, thanks to various friends and allies, my reverie has been broken. My conscience is in no way lighter, because some of the things that I am pondering have to do with future career choices (which I will get to in due time). The immediate things, however, are basically solved. Which consist of me trying to convince my friends that YES I am an introvert, and YES sometimes I don't want to talk, but NO it's not because I don't love you. So accept it. Get over it. Don't think that because I tend to hang out with people other than you that it's because I'm growing dissatisfied. Others sometimes can actually give me whatever it is that I need, even if I don't know it at the time.

As Dean from Venture Bros. once so wisely said, "I dare you to make less sense." I may or may not have just done that.

In other words and worlds, things in life are going well. This semester is almost over (and by almost, like, 1/2 over), and classes for next year are being planned out. I, like my industriously awesome cohort rasphigi</lj>, will be living up the apartment life very soon. And I really could not be happier about it. The time has ended for the residence hall life. Lord, the drama here is surely much worse than it is off-campus. The downside is that to on-campus people, being off-campus means that you are basically non-existent. Gah. Anyways. Apartment to myself (besides my astoundingly awesome roommate) is going to beeetchin'.

Other than that, I am outside now because this campus is gorgeous in the spring. Especially with the weather right now. Sunny, which is how I naturally like it, but not hot yet. Still cool enough to bear. In other words, perfect.

My general mood right now is more anxious than anything else. Me and my partner in crime, Melanie, are waiting to find out if the undergraduate research project she and I want to do in Germany over the summer will get the funding that we need. To be in Munich, Germany for two weeks couning plane tickets, living expenses, admission fees, and food stipends, it's gonna cost a very shiny new penny. And if we don't get the funding we asked for, then the whole trip may be in jepoardy. Both of us are poor college students, after all, and being at a liberal arts college sure does drain one of one's funding. So a $5,000 endeavor is not something we could do by ourselves. I doubt that my current net worth is more than that.

But yeah. Life is pretty fantastic otherwise. Allen and I had our one year anniversary pretty recently. He came down to Misipah with me to meet my mom's boyfriend of 10 years, Tony, and to see my in "my natural environment". God, we had a lot of fun. It was just nice to be around him for more than a couple of hours. So I get him for like a week and a half. It was glorious. I'm just excited to have him around me for more than a couple of hours an afternoon.

But, I'm gonna get back to what it seems is my life these days: studying. And trying to be a good person.

I fucking hate winter. Let's just be honest here.

The cold and the lack of sunshine and the sad faces just remind me of death. And for two months, at least, I and everyone else in my hemisphere get to deal with some variation thereof of this blasted season.

Every year I dread winter. I get moody really quickly, and from there I get anti-social and snappy. Add 23 degree weather and major social disappointments and here comes a recipe for Clare to be really angsty.

The boyfriend has a cold right now. And I just hung out with him for 4 hours watching The Reduced Shakespeare Company and Raising Arizona. The RSC, which usually cures all ills for me, didn't do it this time. And I just got more depressed after Raising Arizona. Why, I have no idea.

I fucking hate winter.

It's been a long time since I've felt this sad. Have no idea why I'm posting this on LJ. Have to talk to somebody about it.

Whatever. Too lazy and introverted currently to go find someone to talk to about my newly saddened state. I'll try to watch a movie and see if that cheers me up somewhat. Actually, I'm already feeling better. A wee bit.

Currently, sitting in my room, checking the ladies of my resident hall back in for the Spring semester, and watching ANTM marathons are what my day is amounting to. I had to come back early (three days early) to go through RA Re-training. I must admit that it was fantabulous to come back - I was worried that I wasn't quite ready to come back to college, but as soon as I dropped my stuff in my room, I was ready for my mom to leave! As LVZ said, I'm glad I'm with my real friends. And all today I've just been hanging out with people, looking for people, and helping people. As compared to being home in Misipah for the winter break, seeing definitely not as many people outside of my family as in, it's good to be around the Hendrix populous.

Now I'm just waiting for Allen to get back.
Christ, I missed him so much. It has only been a month since we said goodbye, and every ten mintues my thoughts are just all about "where is he? when will he be here? god, i missed him!"

Gah.

Anyway, back to the semester at hand. As compared to having Stats and being a brand, spankin' RA, this Spring is probably/hopefully going to be much more manageable. Sure I have hard classes (i.e. Developmental Psychology with one of the hardest profs on campus), but they won't be over my head. So that's a bonus.

Anyway. I'mma get back to counting down the minutes until my love comes back.

Yes, I am done with the fall semester. Grades are posted. Finals are finally over. Sleep is coming to me, regardless of how many times in the past two weeks I said "I can sleep when I'm dead" to keep me from drooling all over my Stats book at 2:00 Ante-Meridian. Gracious, that was a tough semester.

Mom and I went out to eat a muchly desired sushi dinner and spend some quality mother-daughter time together. We got to talking about my semester, grad school, and my RA job. Conclusion: I bit off a little more than I could chew last semester. What with being a newly hired Resident Assistant, trying to still be a good and attentive girlfriend, and having both pre-med Chemistry and Statistics all in one - I must have been temporarily borderline retarded if I thought I was going to pull that one off.

The one thing that turned out just as I had expected is how wonderfully my residents are doing. With my RA last year, I hardly knew my neighbors, and being the introvert I am, wouldn't have known them without some sort of exposure to them in a formal program or community builder format. But my residents all know each other very well and I see them all gabbin' up a storm in the cafeteria together. At least I know I did something right.

But the one thing I'm looking forward to is next semester. The course schedule is amazing, I have some program ideas a'brimming, and there are so many stupendously awesome things to look forward to.

Like Toga party - where I will be on double-duty because I skipped being on duty for the Halloween party this year to go to Voodoo Fest instead (SMASHINGPUMPKINS!). I'm gonna go to town on all those drunk freshmen and scattered upperclassmen. Toga will not turn out like Soco 54 did this year (the 70s party). I refuse to let it happen. So be it if my residents hate my guts for a month. It sure beats them passing out in the stairwell and me having to carry them up two flights of stairs (true story, bt-dub).

Like Winter Formal - where Allen and I have been planning a ridiculously romantic night together, probably beginning with dinner somewhere in Little Rock and culminating in a semi-wild hotel party with various assortments of friends and acquaintences. Since Formal is very close to our one year anniversary (tee hee), we're just going to have a blow-out celebration that night as opposed to having two medium-sized soirees. I already have butterflies and it isn't even 2008 yet.

Like hopefully going to Germany this summer - Mel and I are planning on some kind of Odyssey project in which we hop on a plane and run over to Munich for some yet undetermined psychology experiment/research project. Maybe on the beer gardens. Maybe not. All I know is that I have yet to leave the country, so going to Germany for the summer will basically make my life. Und ich kann sehr gut Deutsch sprechen, ob weiBt du das nicht.

Like Spring Break - another awesome opportunity to spend some time with Allen and let him have a chance to finally meet Tony, the second father to me. Because I'm opening and closing the residence hall for said break, it would be highly irrational for me to drive to MS late and drive back to AR early. So why not just rent a cabin at Petit Jean (a fantastically gorgeous park about 40 minutes away from campus) and have some down-time there. It's about time Allen met the rest of my family, seeing as he's only met my mother before and I've met both his parents, close family, and extended family/friends last summer when I flew to Houston to see him. It just so happened that the weekend I chose to fly in was Allen's parents' 30th wedding anniversary party. So in one fell swoop I met the whole shebang.

That's basically all I have to report. Going to Jackson this Sunday. Um, going Christmas present shopping tomorrow. That's about all I can think of. Oh yeah, I'm off to the eye doctor in a few minutes! Yay!

Originally, I was going to actually write a journal entry, but after taking a break from studying and messing around on Facebook, I prefer to just do this instead.

[1.] Where was the first time you ever kissed the last person you kissed?
On top of the McReynolds roof. In winter. Looking at the stars :)

[2.] What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
Looking forward to tonight.

[3.] How many TRUE best friends do you have?
Quite a few.

[4.] Would you rather get up early or sleep in?
Depending on how much sleep I had the previous night, I don't really care.

[5.] Tell me where you got you're shirt youre wearing?
Dillards? Maybe.

[6.] What's the closest thing to you that is brown?
My flip flops.

[7.] What would you change about your life right now?
Honestly, not a whole lot. I'm genuinely happy where I am right now.

[8.] Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
Cry over the truth.

[9.] What's on your bedroom floor right now?
A carpet.

[10.] Who was the last person you got into an argument with?
I don't get into arguments very often, so I do not remeber at all.

[11.] Do you trust people?
I usually trust people somewhat easily, and my trust does go a long way. But when it is betrayed, I feel betrayed. Maybe I'm just naive like that.

[12.] If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move?
A big city near the coast. I really don't care where.

[13.] Have you ever been out of the country?
Nope.

[14.] Could you go a day without eating?
Potentially, yes, but practically no.

[16.] Do you like anybody right now?
Very, very much so. I like him so much he makes my stomach flutter as I'm writing this.

[17.] When was the last time you had your hair cut?
God, it was a year ago. But I'm so close to getting it cut short and dyed.

[18.] Would you rather be mad or sad?
When I get mad, my stomach feels so queasy. I'd prefer to be sad for that reason. If I lose control when I'm sad, it feels different than when I get mad and totally lose it.

[19.] Does it take a lot to make you cry?
Yes. After what I've been through this semester, it only takes 400 people screaming for two days straight for me to break down. Not even an alcohol poisoning or escorting screaming drunk teenagers off campus can break me anymore.

[20.] Whats the best feeling in the world?
Knowing that there is someone in your life who loves you as much as he can.

[21.] Are you close with your mom?
Very much so.

[22.] Are your parents strict?
They guided me. I can only remember my mom grounding me once in my life.

[23.] Do you tell your parents everything?
Heck no.

[24.] Name one thing you fear.
Life after college.

[26.] If you need to go to the store a block away, do you walk or drive?
Definitely walk.

[27.] Does the thought of marriage scare you?
Not at all.

[28.] How many kids do you want?
A couple, for sure, but it would be better to start my family after my career is doing well.

[29.] What's your favorite color to wear?
Green.

[30.] Who was the last person in your bedroom besides you?
Allen.

[31.] What are you doing today?
Study for finals and go ice skating with friends and the boyfriend.

[32.] Would you rather be rich & sad... or poor & happy?
Poor and happy.

[33.] Do you work out?
I take Total Body Toning at the WAC!

[35.] Do you get bored easily?
Yep.

[36.] What's something that someone can do that really annoys you?
Not be honest with me or dismiss me.

[37.] Did you ever want to change your name when you were younger?
Not often, but yeah.

[38.] Do you wish you were famous?
Nope.

[39.] Do you make a wish at 11:11?
All the time!

[41.] Who's the last text message you received from and what did it say?
Don't get text messages.

[42.] What are you freakishly obsessed with?
Basically any show that's on Bravo!

[43.] What's your favorite song at the moment?
The Smashing Pumpkins - Tonight, Tonight

[44.] Do you like going to the mall to shop or just shopping online?
Definitely going to the mall. I don't like shopping online.

[45.] Can music affect your mood?
Most definitely.

[46.] What piercings do you want?
Don't have any. They grew back because I'm allergic to metal, and after that it never really mattered to me.

[47.] What tattoos do you want?
Something small and meaningful.

[48.] Have you ever been in a cave?
Yes.

[49.] Ever eaten a bug?
I ate an ant. In like 4th grade.

[50.] When will you see the person you like next?
Tonight, actually.

So yeah, that's it. I'm bored and sick of taking a break. Finals need to be over so I can spend some real time with my family. Bah.

In other words, this semester has been really interesting for me. Trying to balance being an RA, dealing with having to drop a class, having a really troublesome math class and professor, and just having fun in my second year of college.
Next semester it's going to get far more interesting.
I can only hope that I'll post something on occasion.
Happy holidays, everybody!

If it has been six weeks, that means that time has either been flying by, which is massively uncomfortable for me, or it's crawled by, which I may be equally uncomfortable with. Flying time speeds up the end of the year; I'm just not ready to face next semester so quickly. Crawling time makes it seem like every last meeting I have to go to, every project, every report is taking twice as long as it normally would to finish.

Presently, both of these options scare me equally.

I hope, dear reader, that you will excuse me. Tonight I do not plan on having any kind of theme or organization to my writing, other than it's what I wanted to write at that precise moment. Maybe this will help me slip out of my head for a minute to give my thoughts a rest.

So busy right now. I can't even express it in words, much less put a pronoun in that sentence. Being an RA is all that I dreamed of and more. I finally feel like I'm making a difference and really doing something with my life. I can see my residents walking around campus and think to myself, "Goodness, I remember when she was crazy awkward. Look at her now. She's too cute to boot, just like the social butterfly I knew she was". I can see the fruits of my labor when I work on a program or when I organize a mass trip to support breast cancer (yep, I'm co-organizing Race for the Cure this year on campus). And it makes me so fulfilled and happy and, yes, exhausted, but so rewarded.

It's long hours, and a lot of the time I really don't have any time to listen to anything but the sounds of my own ideas and thoughts bouncing through my head. Today, like most Tuesdays, I had a break. Calling my mother probably helped to relieve a lot of my tension. She's addicted to Grey's Anatomy now. So much so that she paid ten dollars more for the third season of it at Wal-Mart than buying it cheaper from Amazon; the benefit was that she got to see lots of sex, soap operatics, and more sex (with a little medicine) as soon as she got home.

Gosh, I miss her right now. My dad too. Tony probably more so. Dad's not coming for Family Weekend and neither is Tony. I don't know why that makes me sad. Oh wait, nevermind, yes I do. Tony's more of a father right now than my real father is, and to have both of them disappoint me is kind of overwhelming. I can always count on my mother. But, like every good little girl, sometimes there's not much that can replace a father's love ... I really don't want to cry now, because if I do then I won't stop. And I need to not break down right now.

Our, Claire, Mel's and mine, radio show, MC² begins on Monday. Yep, we're all DJs together. I've already got some music picked out, and more that I need to buy from iTunes that I discovered over the summer. It's all crazy good. I may just start posting the songs that I use for my segment of the radio show (it's the three of us playing "our music" that fits the title of the show that day).

Speaking of DJs, Allen and I went out for our six month anniversary last Friday. Our anniversary was the 1st of September, but Allen was crazy-busy with a piece for a newspaper he had to submit, and I wanted to go home and see my mother. Friday we went to LR to Star of India and then to see Bourne Redundancy ... I mean, Ultimatum. The movie was fantastic. Not as good as the first or second, but still damn fine for the last of a trilogy. I had such a wonderous time with Allen. Words can't really describe, but I'm grinning and smiling as I write this, if that gives you any indication of how happy I am.

Wow, it felt good to write all this out. More like, it felt good to not be worrying about everything and anything. And to have some me-time. Something that I'm getting less and less of these days. In some circumstances I don't mind it at all, but every once and a while, it's so soothing to not think of anyone else's problems, jokes, or feelings. Nice to not have the weight of your world and someone else's on your shoulders.

Tonight is Shirttails at Hendrix, the yearly rendition of Raunch-O-Rama.

Just kidding!

Apparently, the dance coordinators were most definitely told to tone down the sexual innuendo a LOT. Last year when I did Shirttails, we were performing oral sex on our partners and screaming out orgasmically at certain key points.
So, I'm in my room on duty, writing a quick journal entry, waiting with butterflies in my stomach for 9:00, for that is when I get to peel out of my room like a mad banshee and head for the dance. Like, nobody is in the dorm right now because they're basically all either a) drinking somewhere else, b) watching the boys' dorms dance, or c) doing all of the above and more.

It feels weird being a sophomore right now. Last year, the college did a superb job making sure that all the freshers were totally and completely comfortable with the idea of making the college transition. The freshers had Orientation Trips of many different colors, Playfair (a mass orgy of sweaty people in the soccer field, laughing and having a good time, in a very non-sexual way), and like a bazillion other "icebreakers".
But for the sophomores, there's nothing. You move in, get a pat on the back for coming back to Hendrix at all, and the administrators tell you to go confirm your schedule. Our transition was classes starting. Lame.
It was different for me since I had to have RA Training, which was a BLAST! I had time to bond with my fellow Resident Assistants and get free food all the time. Which was freakin' sweet.

Ahh! Twenty minutes until it starts! So stoked! I get to actually watch everyone's dance instead of bruising myself over the bricks doing the Crawl. I still have the scar. I will always remember freshman year of college that way. It's better than getting a tattoo, because it's free!

As I may have mentioned in an earlier post, I just got the RA job I had been drooling over for the past year. Considering how much work it is and how little we get paid, one could understand my trepadations. "Do I really have it in me to break up a huge party of drunken, belligerant assholes?" "Can I really be there for my residents as much as they need me to be there?" "What the hell am I going to do with a salary every month" All these questions and more were flying around in the background of my mind.

After this week, however, I really do not have that mant doubts as to whether or not I can do this job. Sure, I'm going to get lonely from time to time living by myself, but that's why I have Allen and my friends and fellow RAs. And the RAs are all soo fucking awesome.

The week after I moved-in and at the end of our first week of training, a bunch of us went clubbing in Little Rock. Let me just say that it was hilarious and kinda scary and superbly fun at the same time. All of us went on a retreat and had tons of fun just bonding and laughing and staying up late.

But, more importantly, I made it through the hardest parts of training. And Freshmen Move-In Day. Which sucked. All my residents seem pretty cool though, so that's a bonus. Another good thing is that Allen's coming in early and I'll get to see him in a couple of hours. :)

That's all I really had to say. Now I'm going to talk to my residents and start planning the program we're going to have tonight for the freshers. Excitement!

I quit work today. Not for any seriously pressing issue like that I was being abused by my bosses or that my paychecks were becoming kindling to the department barbeque. No, the lab just can't keep me on the payroll since I'm not a student at MSU. It was very sad saying goodbye to all of the lovely people there. Knowing that Joe and James and Dr. Brown will not get to harass me all day just makes me sad inside.

On the much brighter side, I just got finished with my yearly Pap. Lord, that is one of the most surreal and strange experiences. This doctor's just chattin' it up with the nurse and I while she's performing the exam. Saying things like "How was college this year? Good. Oh, you're going to be an RA? Wow, I never did that. But you said you were going to be a psychology major, so I guess that fits" just does not quite seem to mesh with what she was doing. Yeesh. Glad that's over.

Oh yeah. I'm an RA.
Weird, huh? I know.

But terribly exciting. I go back to Hendrix early, which is the best part, and see most of all the wonderful people whom I have been missing all summer long. Then I go through RA training. Still don't know quite how that's going to go, but cross your fingers.

Tomorrow's going to be the best though. I'm getting on a plane to go to Houston and see Allen!! :) Soooo excited about that. Three solid days with the beau.

I better go pack now. And go to bed early. Last night I watched 300, like, two times. What is sleep compared to lots of yelling and half-naked men?

Every time I come to Missouri I must admit that I have a grand ole time. This year was no exception, barring some bad news and scares spersed in between.

As you may know because I've mentioned it a couple times before, my dear sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer not too long ago. Fortunately, she caught it extremely early (she had Stage 1 of 4) and the lump was only about two centimeters. Vonn, my brother, e-mailed Wally and I yesterday telling us the results of the surgery to remove the lump and the tests that had been done on the two lymph nodes the surgeons had removed on top of the lump.

And everything's just fine. No cancerous spreads to the lymphs nodes at all. That means that Nat's only going to have to have four chemotherapy treatments instead of six. I was tempted to have a celebratory beer last night, but it was hella late and the goddamnfucking neighbors set off fireworks basically right under my window. So, I had to have a word with them.

Before Nat's surgery, she, Vonn and my niece Erin flew up for a visit with Grampa Wally and Auntie Clare. I hadn't seen Erin since she was about a year old. She's so shy at first. Like, she carries around her pink blankie at all times, it seems, so when I first saw her I said hello but she pulled the blanket over her head and just wouldn't acknowledge me. But after she got over her shyness, she would talk for, literally, five minutes straight - this constant stream of words and thoughts all strewn together that made little to no sense. And, naturally, it was adorable.

I was reading a Cinderella story to her and she said to me, "I want to learn how to read like Auntie Clare". And Vonn said, "One day, pretty soon, you will. And then you can read all sorts of wonderful books and go to college one day, too, like Auntie Clare". "Do you go to college, Auntie Clare?" she asked. "Yes, Erin, I do" I replied. "I'm gonna go to Auntie Clare's college ... but not yet."

And the infamous "goddamn" story is another one of my favorites. At a certain age, kids just copy what people around them say. Vonn and Nat curse, quite a bit, so the first time Erin said "shit" at the dinner table when she dropped her fork, they toned it down in front of her. Vonn has this bad habit of saying "goddamn" whenever Erin drops things in the car (because she's in the back seat, and Vonn's driving, and it's really hard to extract pink blanket out from under a seat when you're driving). Then she started picking up on that, as well, so he had to stop that altogether. One special day she drops something in the car and Vonn says "Eriiin" and in a perfect likeness of how he says it she says "goddamn!" And he about falls out of the car laughing.

Oh, I have so many stories to tell about that kid. And pictures too. As soon as Vonn sends me the batch that he took in Missouri, I'll post a couple here too.

More exciting news. Gosh, I haven't had this much good news since, oh, a long time. But, anyway, my now roommate Claire calls me at about noon one day and says in a veryvery hurried manner "I got a three-day pass to Voodoo Fest!" My natural response was "Great! ... And that means what?" To which she replied "Rage Against the Machine and The Smashing Pumpkins are playing". And I flipped my lid! Only my favorite band ever! So I run to a computer at the library, plunk down $120, and bam! I've got 'em too. *spontaneous orgasm*

The only, and I mean only, bad news in this situation is that it's the weekend of Ghost Roast at Hendrix. Hmm, dressing up as the Venture Bros. and getting mildly inebriated (I swore off being drunk for the rest of my life, and that's one promise to myself that I have absolutely kept), or skipping a day of classes, going to New Orleans with Claire, staying with her two friends who have a house there (along with loads of her Baton Rouge peeps that I've gotten to know), probably getting mildly inebriated there too, and seeing the Pumpkins, Tiësto, Fall Out Boy, Plain White T's, and like a gazillion more bands.

Hmmm. Choices, choices.

Even more good news, I'm flying back to Misipah tomorrow. Well, first to Memphis and then driving back to Mississippi. This time there had better not be any kinds of fuck-ups. Like my flight getting cancelled. Which is what happened when I tried to fly to Kansas City. Bastarding NWA.
Not so hot news, I work on Friday. But, good news, I get to see my boss Joe again, who is the height of awesomeness.

Again with the good news: Sunday was me and Allens' (how do you say that correctly? 'Allen's and mine's'?) four-month anniversary. Not that long, I know, but it seems so much longer. It's strange that way. But that's the only way it's strange. Otherwise, it's quite fab.

I'm taking a break from the mindless tedium of counting insects in the collection. As pretty as butterflies and moths are, looking at them for three hours straight and counting them with those little punch-tickers (like they have at games to keep track of how many people showed). Lord Almighty, my job is hellaz boring. But I can definitely appreciate not having to think for eight hours straight every day.

What I don't like is dreaming about little beetles with long antennaes (I had to pick out at least two hundred of these little fuckers for a sample), called Cerambycids, or Long Horned Beetles.

As much as I may complain, I have tons of fun here. My bosses (I have about four, maybe more, depending on who's working) are uber-cool and funny. My first day I talked for like thirty minutes about Led Zeppelin with my boss Joe. Joe's like the main reason I come to work every day. He's hilarious, really sweet, and perverted. Although, after looking through the Lepidoptera family for hours on end, anybody/anything would be more interesting. Hell, I could look out the window and be mesmerized by the world outside a collection box.

My trip to Missouri is in a week and two days!! I am totally stoked. Seeing Vonn, Nat, Erin, and Wally is probably going to make my summer. But with the good news comes the bad: Nat, my sister-in-law does have breast cancer and is not pregnant. Depending on how you look at it, her not being pregnant is a good thing since she won't have to go through chemo with a little fetus inside her. And more kind of good news: the cancer is only Stage 1. She caught it really early, which is wonderful.

Dunno what else I have to report. Back to work, I guess. Good tidings!

As you may surmise from the subject of my entry today, I got a job. Full-time, no less. Which kinda sucks. But if you compare it to the fact that I am one of those pitiful, poor college kids you read about in the papers and see on the news, and I need the money ... My mother was, needless to say, rather excited. So am I. It beats the shit out of sitting at home basically all day feeding the cats, watering the plants, washing the dishes, and reading books - it gets boring reeeeaaal quick. To me, working at a job where I get to categorize bugs is better than getting cabin fever at home.

Yeah, forgot to mention. I'm working at the entymology lab on campus with an old school friend's dad. He runs the bug museum. And he's uber-cool.

So I start work tomorrow at 8:30. Didn't think I'd be saying that anytime soon, but hey, good things happen.

Bad things too. My beloved sister-in-law found a lump in her breast. The doctor doesn't think that it's benign. The biopsy results come in on Wednesday, so we're all waiting and crossing our fingers for the best. Regardless, I'm still going to Missouri to see Wally in a few weeks. Maybe Nat will be ok. Dunno.

For some ungodly reason, it feels as if it has been months instead of weeks since I posted, but more importantly, since I left Hendrix.
Probably because I've been doing fuck-nothing. Calling people, buying really good CDs (the newest NIN is amazingly good), listening to Dan Savage podcasts, visiting family, buying airplane tickets to go see other members of family in about a month (exciting!!!), and missing every damn person I can think of.
Considering the fact that I live in a small town and will be leaving for two weeks, my chances of getting and retaining a job are quite slim. I want to work in the local bagel cafe, but we will see how that goes. Or, get this, I can examine larvae to discern their sex. But since I am not a student of MSU, I live in a town where my options are Wal-Mart, Kroger, or Chili's, and I haven't had any job experience before, things are not looking good.
I shall keep trying.
If it doesn't work out, I can always pose nude for the art department at Hendrix.

In my spare time I've been writing in my journal a whooooole lot. Some are even worth sharing.

( In Which I Understand Why Long-Distance Sucks )

( Wherein I Explain My Views On The Great Unknown )

Next time I will share the letter game answers with you all, thanks to rasphigi.
Tchuss! Bis bald!

This is going to be veryveryvery quick. My mother is about to meet me for lunch, meet my friends, and help me move out of my dorm room. And she's about five minutes outside of town.
Freshman year is over, thank Christ Almighty. It was long and mind-blowing and tiring and amazing and wonderful and heinous and fun.
I'm going to the beach for a MUCH needed vacation in a day or so! Imma get tan! I look like a vampire, to be totally honest.
Going to miss alllll of my peeps at Hendrix. A lot.
Have a good summer, all! I <3 you!

In direct contrast to my last entry, which (if I do say so myself) was extremely emo, what I'm writing now won't be. Sleep was pretty much all that my body needed. That and a half-pint of Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia. Mmmm. Mel and I stayed up kind of late last night (midnight-ish) talking and sharing feelings. All kindsa girly stuff. Back to my old semi-snarky and energetic self.

As a result of staying up late the previous night, I did not get the best amount of sleep possible. So when I turned my alarm off at 8:30 the next morning and rolled over, like I usually do, to have five minutes of down time before getting ready for class, I fell back to sleep. Which is kind of the suckage, since my first class starts at 9:10. Hey, it's a hell of a lot better than an 8:10 class, which I will NEVER do again unless it is vitally important to me getting my diploma.
By the graces of the angels in Heaven, Mel's alarm went off at 9:15. I get up, look at my alarm clock, say "Shit!" rather loudly, and throw on some clothing pell-nell. Long rant short, I got to class ok, no prof yelling at me.

We (being Mel, Claire L., Allen, and Lilly) decided to dye my hair last night. The "calico alley-cat in heat" look wasn't really doing it for me. What, you say? Cat in heat? Where did that come from? Well, Ant, the famous gay comedian, came to Hendrix and I made the serious mistake of sitting in the front row. He picked on everyone in the front row, and, as an added bonus, I got to go on stage to have him pick on me in front of about 80-100 other students.
For reference, I dyed my hair blue in the bathrooms here at Veasey. The dye job was a little botched. I came out kind of multi-colored. By the time Ant got here, the blue had faded and the yellow of the bleach made the remaining blue look green. I have some pictures of it that I'll share.

( Read more )

So yeah.
Gonna go write another german essay and study for the test(s) on Monday. Get ready to eat Subway tonight, and brace myself for when Allen gets back from Derby Day. He'll have plenty to say, I have no doubt of that :)

(My icon this post is in tribute of the finale of the second season of the Venture Bros. If I haven't already addicted you to that show, you NEEEEEEED to watch it.)

Today was kind of an off day for me. German was cool, Religion was cool, art was cool, Pilates kicked (read, toned) my ass but was cool ... and then tonight rolled around. Something happened whilst I was watching the second season of Venture Bros, which usually cures all ills for me.

I'm just kinda down right now. Considering that I just consumed half a pint of Cherry Garcia and watched the newest South Park episode, you'd think that I'd feel a teeny bit better. Claire and I got into a heavy discussion of life, finances and sexism; I haven't ranted like that in a while. Claire, dear, I would like to apologize most profusely for dumping my emotional shit onto you. I'm gonna guess that it's my rampant lack of sleep, which does not really explain why I'm writing this when it's almost eleven.

Dunno. Talk to me in the morning and see if a good ten or eleven hours helps me be less bitchy. Mmm. No class until 1:15. Posting again tomorrow, probably.

Yeah. These last few weeks have been just about the most fun I've had in a good long time. Hell, I don't really know where to start with it ... The spring weather here at Hendrix is utterly fantabulous, my times hanging out with friends have been inexplicably wonderous ... I don't really remember a time when I was this happy for this long. Albiet, the work load never ceases to be oppressive and kinda shitty, but hey, the good that comes out of it is why I'm paying ghastly sums of money. I'm just sitting in bed, listening to some Kaskade after coming out of a shower and I am at peace. Sinking into my pillows, feeling the cool air on my semi-wet skin, my face tingly from a face mask ... God, I'm happy.

I have plenty of other things to be happy about, too. Campus Kitty, a Hendrix annual series of events that raises shit-tons of money for deserving organizations around the city, raised $36,000. We (we being Hendrix College) raised $36,000. It's wonderous what people can accomplish when they come together.

Last weekend I went a-hiking with Allen at Petit Jean State Park, about a 20 minute drive from the city. Well, a 45 minute drive because SOMEbody forgot to turn at the exit :) We had a picnic on the side of a cliff overlooking a breath-taking view. We sat and ate peanut butter sandwiches and cuddled and kissed and ... yeah, really romantic. :) Petit Jean was beautiful. I saw a waterfall! Kind of an anemic waterfall, albeit, but it was still the first time I had ever seen one. Definitely worth it.

Next Sunday is Easter. Which means lotsalotsa junk food for all the 'ickle kiddies and Clare. I gave up desserts and junk food for Lent. Hell, I don't even have to observe Lent; Episcopalians are such rebels and don't follow all those crazy traditional doctrines. Chocolate-deprived for faaarrr too long. Next Sunday also means a party on the Hendrix lawn right in front of the library. I plan on making Velveeta mac and cheese. Not entirely junk food - but damn good at any rate. Excitement is too light a term.

I have my schedule for next semester all settled. Taking Statistics, Intermediate German, Chemistry (gaaahhhh!!!! Soooo not fun), and History of Christianity to 1500. After that I have Intro to Sociology, Beginning Photography, Developmental Psych, and a German Fable class. I'm also an officially declared psych major! I'm thinking either German or sociology minor. Not sure. I still have plenty of time.

I'mma go to bed now. I stayed up until 3 last night study for a German test and writing another thrice-damned essay (300 words this time). Speaking of 300, the movie was pure eye sexy candy. I'm still kind of after-glowing.

For those not familiar with the barbaric language that is German (that's for you, Claire), I will proceed to inform y'all about my Spring Break - which is what the title of my entry translates into, btw.

For a brief interlude, lemme tell you. I needed a Spring Break. Midterms about raped me. Correction, midterms did rape me, whilst I was sick with a sinus infection, no less. Not too fun. My favorite project was working about six hours on a full-size self-portrait of myself. I had planned on an elaborate, Shiva-esque pose of me with lots of trippy colors in the background. Yeah ... considering I was doing this the night before, that plan fell short rather quickly. I ended up with a modest sketch of me, nude, sitting modestly and smiling. For fun and to make it look like I put effort into it, Claire L. and I took a drive to Hobby Lobby and purchased watercolors so I could at least put some trippy colors into my 6' by 5' project.

After the hectic mess that was the week of midterms (it wasn't all bad; I had some fun times at Toad Suck Park at around midnight as well as on the roof of one of the buildings on campus), going back to Mississippi sounded pretty damn good. Brief summary: freakin' nobody was in town, I was running a fever, slept a lot, talked to Allen (a lot), drove to TN to see family, ate sushi, saw Little Miss Sunshine (best movie evar!), aand slept some more.

Upon arriving at Hendrix this Sunday, I get to see all of my pretties at once, basically. Intensely interesting and amusing. Hell, I'm still smiling from it.

The not so awesome part came at around midnight last night/this morning when I was forced to kick Allen out (i.e. separate his face from mine) so I could get started on my German essay that was due on Monday. Not research paper in english, an essay in German. With an energy drink in hand, that, according to Claire L., smelled like diabetic tom cat piss, I was set for bullshitting my way through 250 words. The assignment was to elaborate on what this little maiden would do with the money that fell from the sky. My little maiden took a trip to Las Vegas ... to legalize prostitution and let the workers unionize. If my professor can't figure out that my essay was the product of much procrastination then I'm a bit surprised.

So Tuesday I am planning on seeing the 3-motherfucking-00 with Claire L. and Tony. Soooo looking forward to it. Gerard Butler = hot liquid sex.
Speaking of liquid sex, but transformed into a solid form, Nine Inch Nails has a new album coming out rather soon. Guess who pre-ordered? Mmmyep. There is about no way I'm not going to support Trent Reznor.

I'mma do some homework and then head off to Pilates. Then study for a test! Joy!